


Catharsis

by CrazycatSitter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Because I Disagree Thats Why, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Reconciliation, misundertandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 10:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20044393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazycatSitter/pseuds/CrazycatSitter
Summary: All Padawan Kenobi wanted was to disappear into the polished floor of the Council chambers, eyes determinedly downcast to avoid the pitying looks he was certain the assembled Masters were giving him: The unwanted student. Too old. Too violent. Too attached.





	Catharsis

“... I take Anakin Skywalker as my Padawan-Learner.”

As Obi-Wan heard those words while standing before the assembled Council, head beginning to spin and vision nearly gone from sudden blood redistribution and skin growing cold and clammy, he was certain that Master Qui-Gon was setting him aside, abandoning him. Slamming his shields closed around their training bond to contain the shame and humiliation that coiled around his heart and curdled his stomach so much that it became nearly impossible to even look at his master. 

All Padawan Kenobi wanted was to disappear into the polished floor of the Council chambers, eyes determinedly downcast to avoid the pitying looks he was certain the assembled Masters were giving him: The unwanted student. Too old. Too violent. Too attached. He fled the chambers as soon as they were dismissed, in as dignified a manner as he could manage with his tattered pride drawn up tight around him. 

“There is no emotion, there is peace,” Obi-Wan recited under his breath as he fast-walked down the arching hallway towards the Knight’s Tower where he currently lived with his master, he knew that he was too old to take something so hard and that crying solved nothing, but that didn’t stop his eyes from burning, “there is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is ser-”

“Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon asked, voice bemused and light, halting his hurried steps abruptly, “The Creche is this way, Padawan.”

Obi-Wan swung around sharply, staring in confusion at his master, standing at the intersecting bridge leading deeper into the heart of the temple, a large scarred hand resting on Anakin’s fluffy blond head. 

“But- I thought- I mean. Um.” Obi-Wan cleared his throat harshly as Qui-Gon lifted a curious brow at his stammering, “I was just going to our quarters, Master. To pack.” he gestured vaguely towards the lift at the end of the hall, trying not to blink, moisture threatening to spill onto his lashes.

“Why? We already have everything ready for our mission, and we don’t leave until the Queen is ready to.” Qui-Gon asked, reaching along their training bond to test the edges of the block Obi-Wan had erected, eyebrows drawing up in confusion as his touch was rebuffed from the usually receptive connection.

“Am I not being set aside Master? After all, you’ve chosen a new student, the Chosen One no less, and I’ll just get in the way!” Obi-Wan cried, just wanting it over with.

Qui-Gon Jinn paled severely, eyes widening in shock as he reflexively lurched forwards a step, hand outstretched. 

“No! Force Obi-Wan, no! I’m not setting you aside!” he hurried towards Obi-Wan with long strides and enveloped him in his arms before Obi-Wan could retreat. Qui-Gon enveloped Obi-Wan in his arms, broad hand cradling the back of his head, horror filling the Force around him in waves of self-recrimination as he pressed Obi-Wan tight to himself, preventing easy escape. 

“How could you even think that Obi-Wan? I promised to train you, and I will! Yes I claimed Anakin, but he isn’t ready for an Apprenticeship yet, and still has to learn how to be a free being and a child.” Qui-Gon pushed Obi-Wan back by his shoulders to look the redhead in the eye, “He will be staying in the Creche for at least a year with the other Initiates to get caught up with the basics at an easier pace while I finish your training, little though there remains. You are my priority right now, Obi-Wan, and Anakin will not change that. I know that we had a difficult first few years and that I didn’t comport myself well during that time, but I’d never set you aside!”

“But at the start of the mission, you said that I still had much to learn, and now you say that I’m ready to take my Trails?” Obi-Wan hoped that he didn’t sound as whiny and childish as he felt.

“And you are, Obi-Wan. You are brave and compassionate, kind and steadfast. You know who you are and your place in the Force and the Galaxy. your skill in combat and diplomacy will hold you in good stead throughout the Galaxy, and you will make me very proud of all that you have and will accomplish; you’ve grown so much from that fierce thirteen year old that I first met in wisdom and strength that I am amazed daily. Yes there are things you still need to learn, but most of those are not things you can learn at my side, but must be acquired through experience and failures, as we all must. You, Obi-Wan Kenobi, are ready to take your Trials, and I intend to be with you for however long it takes for you to complete them.”

Tears welled up in Obi-Wan’s eyes and spilled over his lashes as he stared up at his Master’s earnest face, “I’m sorry Master, I shouldn’t have doubted you.” he said, voice wobbling embarrassingly. Qui-Gon shushed him, drawing Obi-Wan in tight again as he clung, sobbing. “No Obi-Wan, it is I who should apologize to you! I was so frustrated with Mace and the Council refusing to teach a child because he’s ‘dangerous’, that I didn’t notice just how much I was hurting you. I never meant to hurt you, Obi-Wan, and can never apologize enough!” Obi-Wan shook his head, eyes shut tight against the persistent tears.

“Master Qui-Gon? Is Obi-Wan alright?” Anakin tugged on the sleeve of Qui-Gon’s cloak, blue eyes large and earnest.

“I’m okay.” Obi-Wan choked, scrubbing away his tears with his voluminous sleeve as he extricated himself from hold of the only father he’d ever known to look at his new little brother, giving Anakin a watery smile. “I’m okay now.”

.

.

.

Hours. Days. Years. An eternity later on Naboo, Obi-Wan wasn’t entirely certain anymore how much time had passed as he watched the fires of a Jedi’s funeral pyre burning low and hot in the gathering dark of the night, the heat burned his eyes from under his hood while the absence of the negligible weight of his now severed braid leaving him feeling naked and vulnerable. Beside him was Anakin Skywalker, freshly shorn and garbed in his new life of a Jedi padawan. His brother who was no-longer his brother, his son who should never have been his son.

Obi-Wan Kenobi had promised his Master that he would see the boy trained, and he would.


End file.
